


Do The Right Thing

by BastardSirius



Series: Puppy Love Playlist Challenge [5]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Bittersweet, Cheating, First Time, Getting Together, M/M, Marauders' Era
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-12
Updated: 2016-12-12
Packaged: 2018-09-08 00:30:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,625
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8822503
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BastardSirius/pseuds/BastardSirius
Summary: “Don’t let me mess this up, Moony.” Sirius’ eyes were unsure now, his hands shaking ever so slightly.“I can’t control you, Padfoot, I think we both know that,” Remus replied with a sad smile, shoulders dropping.Inspiration:You steal my nerve and you've struck my lifeDon't love me for just one nightYou can't count on me to do the right thingDo the Right Thing - The Dudes





	

**Author's Note:**

> Phew! This one was a real challenge to write. I had the scenes very clearly in my head, the song playing on repeat, but it was still so difficult to get the feeling right. I still don't know if I've gotten it quite where I want it. I think I might rewrite later on. For now, I had to call it a day to move on to the next song!
> 
> Do the Right Thing - The Dudes https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KePNSAndjow

**_My bedroom's worse than the Catholic church_ **

**_I let anyone in_ **

**_And now my carnal sins_ **

**_Have got ginger beef so boring_ **

 

Sirius Black had always been a sexual person. When he was eleven or twelve it was more about holding hands and kissing, but he had been one of those kids that simply never thought of the other sex as ‘having cooties’ or such.

This, coupled with his good looks and uncaring, bad boy attitude allowed him to treat Hogwarts as his personal sexual playground. He’d convinced third year girls to do much more than they had ever imagined, and snogged any attractive girl or boy in school. He had gotten his first blow job in fourth year.

As Sirius’ services appeared widely available one would’ve thought that this put people off or that it made him seem more attainable, but it did not. Even people who got to be with him once or twice were left with lingering desire. Almost all the girls in school thought they could tame Sirius, if given the chance. Sirius knew just how to give them enough and leave them wanting. 

Slowly - very slowly - it started to bore him. By the end of fifth year, he had slowed down quite a lot, barely going on one date a month. He still fooled around quite often, but he didn’t crave the carrousel of witches and wizards he had felt the need for before. It was more of a habit at this point.

 

**_My heart's wide open_ **

**_I sure was hoping you could close it down_ **

 

The day Sirius' bed time fantasies shifted to Remus was when he accidentally caught Remus half naked. Remus had gotten out of the shower and, thinking the dormitory was empty, walked in with a towel around his waist. Sirius had immediately seen why Remus always dressed out of sight: He had scars. Many of them. Of course they had seen the ones on Remus' face and hands but his body was covered in big gashes that made Sirius wonder how Remus was alive if even magic could only have healed that much of the injuries.

The dark-haired boy was used to the familiar spark of desire. His life revolved around his friends, pranks and lust, after all. He loved the first jolt of desire that would go through him when he saw a new object of his affections. The first kiss was always the best. New, intoxicating,…

Sirius found that although he wanted Remus, it was a different kind of desire than he was used to. It was more than lust. When he thought about Remus it wasn’t just the groping or sex he thought about. He thought about kissing his scars one by one, telling him that he’s strong and beautiful. ‘Beautiful’! It was hard for him to imagine wanting to say a word like that at all, let alone to a wizard.

James had noticed Sirius’ lingering stares and lack of interest in other students and cornered him when they were alone in the dormitory mere days after Sirius himself had started thinking about their werewolf friend in that way.

The conversation started innocently enough. “So, going on any dates this weekend?”

Sirius shrugged. “Not this time. Got a prank idea? We haven’t done anything in two weeks. I’m willing to bet the Slytherins are getting paranoid at this point,” he replied, grinning.

James smiled back. “Yeah,” he agreed and then continued his previous conversation: “Any reason we haven’t seen you snogging anyone behind the green houses lately? We’re not used to seeing Padfoot not be a dog.”

If he had been anybody else, Sirius probably would have blushed. As it was, he was Sirius Black and not ashamed at all of having been found out regarding a crush. “I quite like someone, actually. But haven’t gotten around to snogging him yet.”

James’ smile dropped. He’d gotten the conversation where he wanted, and didn’t feel the need to keep it light-hearted anymore. “I know you like Moony,” he said carefully.

“We really do share one mind,” Sirius said, laughing, “ ** _I_ ** barely found that out.”

“Well I had seen the signs long ago, of course,” James continued, much more serious than his best friend was expecting him to be. “You’ve always been emotional when it comes to him. But I didn’t think you would actually go for it. But these past few days…”

Sirius furrowed his brows and pouted, not quite understanding why James sounded like such a wet blanket. Who cared if he liked Remus? “And?” he demanded.

“Do you think it’s a good idea?” James asked, uncharacteristically gentle.

“I’ve been thinking and yeah it might make things a bit awkward in the dormitory, but us shagging shouldn’t change the Marauder dynamics. We’ll still be the same people.”

James almost commented on how cocky Sirius was being about this, immediately assuming Remus would accept Sirius into his bed but another thought occurred to him. “Only shagging, then?”

“I imagine there will be plenty of noshing off and snogging as well,” Sirius replied, a sly grin on his face.

“But not going out? Just a one time thing?” James prodded.

Sirius pouted again. “I… I don’t know. What does it matter?”

“You can’t,” James said.

“What do you mean?” Sirius asked, offended.

“It’s _Moony_ , Padfoot. You can’t just…” James waved his hand in the air almost as if flicking an invisible wand.

Through pursed lips, Sirius muttered “I’m not going to stay away from him.” He didn’t know why, but he felt angry, all of a sudden. How dare James try to keep Moony from him? He didn’t think about why that would make him angry in the first place.

“Sirius you’ll just end up hurting him and you know it,” James sighed, sounding more disappointed than angry, “You wouldn’t know where to begin being a boyfriend and it’s _Moony_.” 

There was a reason James had always been the leader, and this was it. James treated the Marauders like a Quidditch team captain; knowing and gently prodding everyone in the right direction. He knew Sirius, he knew Remus, and he could see clear as day the disaster that would be on the other side of Sirius’ fleeting affection.

Sirius thought about it for a few moments. It was true, he had never been on more than three dates with the same person, and had definitely never been anybody’s boyfriend. He had never wanted to. And Remus had never been with anyone, and he did seem to be the type to take a relationship seriously.

“What if we just snog or shag, then?” Sirius asked, unable to let go of the desire of touching and kissing Remus now that it was all he could think about, but not wanting to disappoint James.

James considered this, and thought that it was better than the alternative. “As long as Moony is clear on what you’re giving him and what you want,” he said, “Don’t trick him like some Slytherin third year.”

Talking to James made Sirius ponder his actions a bit more thoroughly than before. He found that he wanted to do more than just snogging Remus. He wanted to hold Remus’ hand the way Peter was holding that Hufflepuff chick’s hand. He wanted to be the one to wipe it off when Remus had whipped cream on his nose from hot chocolate. He wanted Remus to look at him the way James looked at Lily when he didn’t think anyone could see.

He pushed those thoughts into the back of his mind and instead focused on how good it would feel to kiss Remus and make him moan underneath his hands. He cancelled his plans of asking Remus on a Hogsmeade trip with just the two of them, and instead decided to pay him a visit after the other boys had gone to sleep. He snuck into his bed and made himself comfortable as the werewolf stared at him with wide eyes.

“What are you doing here?” Remus asked, blushing and trying to cover his arms under the blankets as best he could.

Wordlessly, Sirius leant in and kissed him. It only took a few moments for Remus to respond.

 

**_It seems I'm finding out_ **

**_That loving you girl can be so frightening_ **

 

Within weeks, Sirius had stopped sleeping in his own bed entirely and they had even started going to bed early, casting a silencing spell and spending hours just talking. Some nights, Sirius even found himself not wanting to kiss or grope Remus at all.

Every time the shorter boy made a good joke and Remus threw back his head laughing, Sirius’ heart skipped a beat. He had promised James that he wouldn’t take this farther, that he wouldn’t let Remus think this is a relationship but as the days went on, a fear grew within him that if he didn’t, somebody would take Remus from him. Now that he was going out of his way to spend time with Remus, even accompanying him to the library sometimes, he had noticed just how many people looked at Remus in a way that they simply shouldn’t. Sirius Black wasn’t used to having competition. Or caring.

 

* * *

 

Remus smiled at something Argus, his Ravenclaw study partner, said (Sirius couldn’t hear what, he was too far away from them) and Sirius felt his chest tighten. He wanted to walk over and pull the werewolf towards him, hex Argus and take Remus to the dormitory. Seeing Remus interact with other people shouldn’t affect him in any way, he knew this, but he couldn’t help himself.

As Sirius frowned and tried to make sense of the angry thoughts in his head, Remus noticed him from across the hallway and waved. “Hey Padfoot!” he called out. Sirius looked up and saw his Remus smiling gently and waving him over, eyes warm as ever. He felt his irritation dissipate and grinned back, walking towards him.

He also managed to be civil as Remus and Argus talked to him about how their Arithmancy class had went and Longbottom’s unfortunate incident with a charmed quill that kept writing all his notes onto his face. Argus would never be a friend, but as Sirius kept his hand firmly on Remus’ shoulder, holding him close, he felt he didn’t feel as bothered by the other boy’s presence.

Looking back, that should have been Sirius’ first clue that he had moved way beyond sexual desire, to a point of no return, a long time ago.

 

* * *

 

“You’re unbelievable,” Remus said in a voice that seemed too small even coming from their shy friend, as they walked into the common room and headed up the stairs.

“It was funny, Moony,” James said but his voice sounded unsure, and he had a slight pout on his lips.

After Potions, Snape had made the mistake of staying behind to help Lily Evans out with some recipes she was having trouble with. James, seeing him linger behind, alone with Lily, had not taken it well. He’d casually asked the Marauders to look at the hallway for any signs of hidden passages so they could stay behind as well, close to the door. As soon as Lily had left, James had nodded his head towards the door to Sirius. They had gone in, a confused Remus and Peter following the two grinning boys. Snape had left the classroom without any robes, in his pants and with ‘I need soap’ written on his bare, skinny chest.

“It was pointless!” Remus cried out, frowning.

“You can’t deny that the message was appropriate, Moony,” Sirius said, mouth twitching, trying not to smile because he knew Remus was angry with them.

“His personal hygiene is none of our business! I don’t see Prongs writing ‘needs to be checked for flees’ on your chest,” Remus snapped back. Remus very rarely spoke up against the Marauders, and Sirius was taken back by his tone. Remus, seeing shock in his eyes, blushed and looked down at the floor, clutching his books tighter to his chest.

James chuckled. “Good idea actually, Moony,” he said, “Although with Padfoot I daresay he’ll catch them in his groin area before he catches them as a dog, the rate he’s plowing through this school!”

Sirius’ neck gave a small ‘snap’ as he whipped it around and frowned at James. For some reason James saying that in front of Remus made him feel embarrassed and he wanted to tell the dirty-blonde that Prongs was being an idiot, Sirius didn’t really get around that much. Not any more. It seemed important to let Remus know.

“All I’m saying is,” Remus said softly as he put his books in his trunk and walked over to the bathroom, “That writing isn’t going to go away for a week and you went after him for no reason at all, and I’m disappointed.”

That felt even worse. Sirius felt his stomach drop as the werewolf disappeared behind the door and spent the rest of the evening pondering why he seemed to care so much. He had never cared about what anybody thought except for James, not like this. Remus being disappointed in him, Remus thinking he was sleeping around - it hurt.

 _What’s wrong with me_ , he thought, frowning into his pudding at the dinner table a few hours later, _Why do I care what he thinks?_ He stole a glance at Remus who had chosen to sit across from him today, between Peter and Longbottom. He couldn’t touch his foot with his, as he often did when they ate.

 _Another thing I shouldn’t care about!_ Sirius thought with a mental huff.

He turned his head to take a better look at him. He was smiling a polite smile as Longbottom and his friends were discussing the latest Quidditch try-outs and James was rolling his eyes, not deigning to join their conversation. He’d been selected onto the team in his first year, and was a shoe-in for captain once their current one graduated this year, and was uninterested in ‘talentless toddlers’ as he called many of the students at the try-outs.

Sirius’ chest tightened again as he found himself staring at the corners of Remus’ lips, how his bangs were covering his eyebrows slightly, how the scars on his face trailed along and gave it character.

Confused and afraid, he forced himself to look away. He scanned the room for somebody else to look at. Anybody else. As he was looking around, he saw Florence getting up from the Ravenclaw table alone, picking up a book she had brought with her and talking to a friend. It looked like she was explaining that she had to get going early, and her friend no move to get up with her once they were done talking.

 _Perfect_ , he thought, grinning, and got up.

The werewolf looked at him with a raised eyebrow. Sirius shrugged and told his mates “Don’t wait up for me boys,” and left the table.

As he walked towards the exit, catching up with Florence, he could feel Remus’ eyes boring into his back, but didn’t turn around. His heart was beating fast and he knew he had to kiss Florence as soon as possible. He didn’t love Remus, he just hadn’t had enough intimacy lately and that’s why he was getting confused.

Remus didn’t make a comment when Sirius returned hours later and slept in his own bed.

 

**_And you strike me like gas and lightning_ **

 

When Sirius and Remus were alone in the latter boy’s bed, kissing, all of Sirius’ doubts and fears would disappear. When their tongues met, he would feel the same jolt of lightning every time, same as he had felt when he first got to kiss the Gryffindor Quidditch team captain last year when he was only fourteen and she was sixteen. With her it had faded as with any others, but not with Remus.

Every time he held Remus’ neck to pull him closer and the werewolf let out an almost inaudible moan, Sirius’ skin tingled. He would kiss him even harder then, and let his hands touch any piece of skin he could get onto without taking off Remus’ t-shirt. He had tried taking it off once, but Remus had stopped him.

Remus was the same shy boy he knew outside of the four posts of his bed, it wasn’t that he was acting any differently. But somehow, even the gentlest brush of the werewolf’s lips against his skin would drive Sirius mad and they would often end up with swollen lips and racing hearts within minutes.

For a long time, they had only kissed and held onto each other through clothes (Sirius shirtless almost always). Then, Sirius had started rubbing Remus through his pajamas. Remus had followed shortly after. Eventually they were grinding against each other until they came in their pants, moaning into each other’s mouths and necks.

One night, Remus had lowered his pajamas while they were kissing. Just enough to let his erection out. Sirius had gasped, but not commented, scared that the werewolf would retreat back. He could see the scars on his hips and they fascinated him, but he forced himself to look away and back into Remus’ flushed face. It wasn’t long after that that they started grinding against each other with their bare cocks rubbing against each other, coming onto Remus’ shirt and Sirius’ stomach. Until then, Sirius had thought that grinding against Remus was the best possible feeling. He had been wrong, their cocks touching, Remus’ hand wrapped around them, was euphoric. He saw stars as he came.

 

**_Love me, don't just spend the night_ **

 

There was only one day left until the Marauders had to go back home for winter break. They had convinced their families to let them stay one more week to ‘catch up on homework’ and stayed behind while the Hogwarts Express took most of the students back to London. Sirius had woken up before Remus. That rarely happened, but it was a Saturday and the full moon had been on Thursday, so Sirius wasn’t surprised. He propped himself up slightly, careful not to wake the other boy, and let Remus’ hand lay on his chest as he ran his hands through his blond hair.

In an hour they would head down to breakfast and none of the Marauders would acknowledge this thing between him and Moony. They would go about their day, joke, make plans, play chess in the common room. Sirius and Remus wouldn’t sit next to each other. They wouldn’t hold hands and smile, like other couples did. They weren’t a couple, after all.

Sirius sighed. To his dismay, this woke the werewolf. He watched as Remus’ eyes fluttered open, his long eyelashes tickling Sirius’ skin. Remus’ right shoulder moved lower, and he felt him stretch his arms and legs. Remus moved his head and looked up at Sirius, giving him a sleepy smile.

“’Morning,” he mumbled and wrapped his arm tighter around Sirius.

“Hey Moony,” he whispered back.

As Remus licked his lips then yawned, Sirius thought about how much he hated the idea of waking up without him over the break. “Almost time to go back,” he found himself saying.

“Yeah,” Remus replied, nodding as much as he could with his cheek against Sirius’ chest. He took his eyes off of Sirius’ and started looking at his own hand instead, which was massaging Sirius’ left arm. His cheeks colored ever so slightly as he continued “Will you write to me?”

“Of course, Moony, I always write to you guys,” Sirius responded - too quickly - choosing to ignore Remus’ real meaning, “If my precious mother doesn’t intercept them, you’ll get plenty of owls from me.”

Remus started chewing the inside of his cheek and did so for several moments before talking again. “I mean differently than how you write to Prongs and Wormtail.”

Sirius snorted. “I don’t plan on writing to Wormy that I miss his cock.”

The werewolf frowned. “Is that all that you will miss?” he whispered.

“Don’t know what you’re on about, Moony,” Sirius said, instead of answering.

Remus looked back up at him. “I—” he started but couldn’t continue. Sirius could see gears running in Remus’ head like a clock’s, and knew that he was gathering up courage to say something. He should encourage him, he knew, but he stayed quiet. “I’ll miss more than—” Remus started again. He gestured up and down Sirius’ body, but didn’t finish his sentence.

“What, more than me? Way to bruise a bloke’s ego, Moony. What can anybody possibly miss more than Sirius Black?”

Remus sat up and sighed. Sirius watched the taller boy’s head and shoulders drop as he sat on the edge of the bed. The Animagus’ heart started beating faster and he wished he could grab Remus by the shoulders and make him return to their warm cocoon of comfort.

So he did. Remus didn’t complain. They cuddled for a while, spooning.

 _I want you to love me,_ Remus wanted to say, but couldn’t. For now, this was enough. They held each other and Remus knew that this may not be everything he wants, but it’s what he needs. Them touching and sharing moments together that they didn’t with anybody else.

 

* * *

 

On the train ride back to into the city, James and Sirius spent most of the time doing last-minute touches to pranks already set-up for the next term. Remus was staying behind for the whole break. Sirius added Acromantula venom to his list of ‘List of things to steal from the Black cellars’ as James kept going through their notes to see if there was anything else needed before returning.

Some of the things on the list were for very specific pranks - one particular plan they had in mind was going to give all Slytherins beaks for a week - but many of them were random ingredients they thought might come in handy, but had no specific plan for yet. Ashwinder eggs for example so far they couldn’t think of a use for, but surely there must be something funny to do with love potions.

Throughout the ride Sirius had said Remus’ name in one out of three of his sentences. Even when talking about giving Snape boils, Sirius had brought up that time when Remus had tried to help Longbottom brew Cure for Boils in second year and ended up making them worse, laughing fondly. It wasn’t that the things Sirius brought up were irrelevant, it was that they were very, very frequent.

They kicked Peter out into the compartment next to them when he started snoring, telling him if he wanted to sleep he could do it away from them. A sleepy Peter had mumbled something about Blacks and where they should keep broomsticks, but had left without protest.

After a full minute of chatter and no Remus references later, James almost forgot about it until Sirius said “Wonder what Moony’s up to,” while browsing through their map sketches.

“Oh for Merlin’s - will you stop talking about him, Padfoot?” James snapped.

Sirius raised an eyebrow in a slow, controlled manner that for some reason made James think about his family for a moment. Sirius seemed to have grace in anything he did, even small facial expressions.

“Moony!” James continued, “You’ve mentioned his bloody name every ten seconds.”

“I’m pretty sure I haven’t mentioned his name more than seven hundred times,” Sirius replied dryly.

“Come off it, you git,” James said, rolling his eyes.

“I can’t help it,” Sirius said, his words sounding forced as if he was under Veritaserum.

They kept reading in silence for several minutes. Finally, James sighed and said “You and Moony, it’s not just shagging any more, is it?”

Sirius looked out of the window and pursed his lips, and did not answer. James wondered if people could hold back blushes by sheer force of will.

“Do you want to be more than that?”

“Yeah,” Sirius replied, his voice uncharacteristically small.

“Alright then.

Sirius turned around and looked at James with slightly wide, curious eyes. “Really?” he asked, looking for the permission he didn’t know he had been waiting for.

James nodded and smiled a genuine smile for a few seconds before putting on a mock frown. “Just make sure Moony does the spell-casting. Your silencing spells are the worst, they start fading within minutes!” He paused. “And no tongues down each other’s throats in the Great Hall, don’t need my appetite ruined.

Sirius beamed.

 

* * *

 

The way Sirius ran out of the train, one would have thought there were a gang of Slytherins chasing him. As soon as they had closed in, he’d gotten up and started standing in front of the train doors, bolting out the second he could.

Once he was clear of the crowd, he jumped on his broom that he had tricked his father into buying him (“It’s embarrassing, father, I have the oldest broom in the class!”), and flew into the castle, ignoring the people cursing at him as he buzzed by.

When he walked into the common room to find a half-asleep Remus buried in an armchair, he was panting and had a scratch on his left cheek. Awoken by his loud entrance, Remus blinked as he yawned.

“Hullo Padfoot,” he mumbled, letting his head fall to one side then the other, stretching.

Sirius grinned and leaned over, putting one hand on the armchair as he kissed Remus deeply. Remus, surprised at first, didn’t respond. Sirius took his lips off of his for a moment to breathe, then leaned back in, pulling the other boy in by his neck. This time, Remus responded.

The werewolf’s face was the same color as their House-red armchair by the time they were walking up to the dormitory, Sirius pulling him by the hand. Sirius winked at the few onlookers looking at them as they did so, and told them to stop staring at his boyfriend.

Just like that, they were together now.

 

**_You can't count on me to do the right thing_ **

 

Hufflepuff had been crushed by Gryffindor and the latter house was celebrating it in style in the Room of Requirements. Everybody was in a good mood. Even McGonagall, who had seen Peter and James in hallway being followed by three house elves levitating food behind them, hadn’t given them more than a raised eyebrow.

Remus had only joined them for the first hour, saying he had to go back to the dormitory and catch up on homework and sleep as much as he could before the full moon the next day. James had ruffled his hair and told him that they loved him despite his allergy to fun. The werewolf had rolls his eyes, but smiled back.

A few hours later, shortly before midnight, Sirius had had three glasses of Firewhiskey and was dancing away happily with a fourth year Ravenclaw one of the boys had brought along as a date. Even Peter had found somebody to dance with. James was laughing and re-telling moments from the game for the tenth time to a group of drunk Gryffindors in a circle around him.

Around two in the morning, many people had gone to sleep and only about a dozen people were left, most of them eating and drinking as the music went on. Remus, apparently unable to sleep, had entered the room expecting to join a conversation or two and bring the Marauders back to the dormitory after.

He didn’t expect to see what he did: Sirius Black, his boyfriend, with his hand inside Stebbins’ robes - directly on top of his crotch from the looks of it - kissing as if he had been poisoned and Stebbins’ saliva had the antidote.

Remus turned around without a word, trying to control the voice inside his head telling him to go over and _hurt_. He walked back to the dormitory, not even bothering to try to hide from any potential patrolling Professors, his shoulders shaking from holding himself back.

 

* * *

 

Sirius came back into the dormitory with James, laughing still, mumbling things even Remus with his werewolf hearing couldn’t quite make out. Remus’ curtains were drawn and he was staring at the ceiling, unable to sleep, body still tense from anger.

When the dark-haired boy drew his curtains, shirt already off, and started to get in, Remus was too shocked to respond for a brief moment, before shoving him back with his knee.

“Go away, Black,” Remus growled.

“Oh Moony, you’re awake good,” Sirius replied, and tried to get in again only to be shoved back almost a full feet by a now-sitting-up werewolf. “What the hell?”

“You’re asking _me_?” Remus said, an almost-laugh dying at his throat.

“What’s got your knickers in a twist, I’m sleepy, let me in,” Sirius said pouting.

“Go sleep in Stebbins’ bed,” Remus shot back.

Sirius kept pouting, rubbing one of his eyes as if it took great effort to stay awake and have this conversation. “What are you on about?”

“Stop it Sirius, I saw you two.”

“Steb— oh yeah, I remember that,” Sirius said, as if he had just remembered that they had homework for Charms due the next day, rather than the fact that he had been snogging someone that wasn’t his boyfriend less than two hours ago. “You upset?”

“No, I love it when my boyfriend gets with other people,” Remus replied, his voice cold as ice. He was standing up fully now, towering over Sirius who was already shorter than him, and seemed shorter still with his body hunched over from sleepiness and drunkenness.

“We only kissed, Moony.”

“Doesn’t make it OK!”

“Look, Moony I—” Sirius started but was stopped by James pulling him back by his right arm.

“Come on mate, go to bed. You can talk about this later,” James said, sounding more awake than anybody had the right to be at four in the morning after a party.

 

**_Help me do the right thing_ **

**_And you steel my nerve and you strike me_ **

**_Love don't like me_ **

**_Don't just spend the night_ **

 

It took a while for Sirius to understand that what he did was wrong. He hadn’t even thought about Remus when he made out with Stebbins - those were two completely irrelevant things in his mind. He was at a party and enjoying himself. It’s not like he’d ignored Moony or done it in front of him. Not on purpose at any rate. If he’d had the choice, he would’ve been kissing Moony instead. He said as much to his boyfriend who did not take it well, and stormed off, taking the map with him, growling at Sirius to not even think about following him.

Surprisingly, Sirius hadn’t imagined himself in Remus’ place when he thought about the previous night’s event. When James asked him to imagine Remus snogging someone, Sirius felt like an idiot. Of course it would bother his boyfriend, how could it not? He thought about the times he had felt bothered by people even talking to Remus.

Sirius apologized - sincerely this time - a few hours before Remus had to take off with Madam Pomfrey to the shack and Remus seemed reluctant but sighed and nodded.

“Do you want it to just stay physical? Stop this… This boyfriend thing?” Remus asked quietly.

“What? No! I don’t want anything to change,” Sirius replied, speaking fast, nervous. He was too worried, staring at Remus’ face with searching eyes to think about how odd it was for Sirius Black to get nervous about anything.

“Just… Don’t do that again,” Remus mumbled. Even though he was in the right, he felt embarrassed.

“Moony I swear I just wasn’t — it didn’t even —” Sirius seemed at a loss for words; an uncommon occurrence for the young wizard.

“You didn’t think,” Remus finished for him and Sirius could hear a sigh in his voice.

“Yeah,” he said sheepishly.

“You never think, Sirius.”

Sirius’ first instinct was to tell Remus that that’s why he loved him, but even he could tell that this wasn’t the time. He licked his lips and said “I’m not good at this, Moony. You need to help me.”

“Help you?”

“Tell me when I do something wrong. Teach me to be — I don’t want to — I want this to work, so please help me do it right.” He smiled. “I can learn new tricks, I swear. Not an old dog quite yet.”

“You’re happy I like you so much,” Remus sighed, but was smiling widely.

Sirius’ heart skipped a beat at that sincere, crooked smile. “I like you too.” _Love you, actually,_ he didn’t add.

 

**_You can't count on me to do the right thing_ **

 

The next time Sirius made a mistake, it wasn’t a kiss. His brain and lips had betrayed him again, but in a much different way. Many years later Sirius would still remember the pain in the shy boy’s eyes in the hospital wing as he listened to James tell him what had happened, Sirius hiding underneath the invisibility cloak.

Eventually, Remus had forgiven him. Didn’t forget, of course. Things got into their usual rhythm for the Marauders, James seemingly satisfied after a few fist and wand fights with Sirius, and almost everything became the same.

Except, of course, Remus tensed up if Sirius got close to him. Once Sirius had grabbed his fallen quill an inch away from Remus’ arm and the werewolf had raised his arm away so quickly he had spilled his own ink all over his parchment.

 

**_I've made time with girls_ **

**_From every walk of life_ **

**_And line of work_ **

**_It's fine, I'm sure there must be something more_ **

 

Sirius didn’t get involved with anyone or go to parties for the rest of the term. It wasn’t that he was punishing himself - not any more - but he simply did not feel up to it. They still pulled pranks, but Sirius wouldn’t socialize with anybody other than the Marauders.

Over the summer, Sirius started getting into more and more fights with his parents, particularly when they kept pushing him regarding starting working on a suitable match as his Hogwarts career was coming to an end in two short years. After a particularly nasty fight involving more than one curse on his mother’s side, he left for James’. His plan had been to only stop by there until he got back on his feet, getting help from his uncle who he hoped would give him enough money to get by. The Potters had laughed off his idea that they would let him get away now that he was in their home.

Sirius and James spent the rest of the summer scheming for future pranks, driving his mother crazy, going to the beach and flirting away, mostly with muggles close to the Potter summer house. Within a week Sirius had found out about piercings (“Brilliant!”), muggle alcohol (“You can’t tell me this isn’t magic, Prongs. I feel like a unicorn.”), and tattoo parlors (“Woah, the ink goes UNDER layers skin?”). Muggles fascinated him, and young muggles having summer fun even more so.

He had also learned quite a lot about how muggles did things in the bedroom (or public bathrooms, as he found were a common setting for this sort of thing). Without spells to lubricate or warm up in the cold, muggles had invented interesting ways to get bawdy. He had particularly liked how the best defense against the cool wind on the beach at night was apparently unbuttoning his shorts without taking them off, cupping a hand around his cock to move it away from the potentially-painful buttons and taking all of him in in one swift motion, making the head of his cock hit the beautiful blonde’s throat within seconds of her touching his belt.

The boys had their fun during the carefree summer days (Sirius more than James), but eventually it was time to pack for Hogwarts and Sirius found himself glad. The summer had been great, but even with Prongs by his side, it hadn’t felt quite… ‘enough’. It felt like food that needed just a little more salt. Great, but not perfect.

 

**_Because when we touch I swear_ **

**_I think I think too much_ **

 

Sirius and James waved goodbye to the Potters and headed to their usual compartment. As soon as Sirius saw the pale werewolf sitting on the edge of his seat reading a book with an intense gaze ( _Perhaps a mystery novel,_ Sirius thought to himself), he knew what had been missing from his summer. Except for a few owls, the two boys hadn’t had any contact in months.

He sat down next to Remus, trying to look casual as he flopped onto the seat. Their legs touched and for a few moments Remus didn’t move away. Sirius’ heart fluttered and he started analyzing what that could mean. Surely the boy no longer flinching away from him must mean something?

“Hey Padfoot,” Remus said as he turned to the boy, shifting slightly so they were no longer touching, but not in an awkward way. It looked more like he was giving the shorter boy room to sit next to him. “Hey Prongs,” he continued, looking up at James.

James sat down across from Remus and they started talking about their summer. Remus chuckled at James’ retelling of what they had been up to. One story in particular brought tears to both Remus’ and Peter’s eyes as they laughed in hysterics, trying to imagine James’ father stuck in a bikini the boys had ‘accidentally’ charmed stuck onto him.

Sirius only vaguely heard what they were talking about as if they were a muggle television (another thing he had learned about recently) on low volume. He nodded and grinned at what looked like the appropriate times, James looking at him expectantly. His mind was elsewhere the whole time. He was thinking about how he had touched Remus who had not moved away for a while. Remus didn’t mind his touch. Maybe he would want more, again. Sirius tried not to stare too much as he started thinking up ideas on how he might get into Remus’ life again like he used to be.

When the train stopped Sirius followed his friends, his body moving without instructions from his brain, simply trailing along on instinct.

“You alright Padfoot?” Peter asked as Sirius almost tripped over Peter’s cat on their walk to the carriages. “You’ve been really quiet.”

“Oh yeah, just thinking,” Sirius replied, his voice far away.

 

**_I still remember every minute if you were in it_ **

**_And you strike me, smite me_ **

 

“Wait, how can you have Magical Theory on Monday morning, isn’t that when your NEWT-level Arithmancy is?” Sirius asked when the Marauders started talking about their time tables to see which classes they had together.

Remus blinked several times in surprise. “Uh, I was going to take that, but Magical Theory fit into the schedule better, this way I won’t miss out on Alchemy,” he explained.

“Moony you’ve always been bad at Potions, why do you want to take Alchemy?” James seemed as confused as Sirius.

“Neither of you are taking either class, so what does it matter?” Remus replied, color rising to his cheeks.

“I just thought you were hopeful about a career using your Arithmancy knowledge,” Sirius said slowly, shrugging and not looking at the werewolf.

“I— I don’t remember saying that.”

“You did, when you were first signing up for it in second year. Somehow Vector let you sign up even though it meant moving his class time,” Sirius said, casually.

“Bloody hell mate, how do you remember something from four years ago?” James asked, laughing.

Remus gave Sirius an odd look but didn’t comment. They kept talking about the rest of their classes and were pleased to find that they shared many of them.

 _I always remember,_ Sirius thought to himself, _When it comes to Moony._ He looked at the boy next to him and wondered when that had started.

Noticing Sirius staring at him, Remus gave him a small smile. Sirius heart ached in that familiar way he had gotten so used to last year, and almost forgotten over the summer break.

 _Right_ , the Animagus thought to himself, reminding himself to breathe, _It’s because anything he does feels more important and real than everything else._ Remus is smiling at him gently but he feels like he’s been hit in the gut. He likes the feeling.

 

**_Ladies like me_ **

**_Love me, don't just spend the night_ **

**_You can't count on me to do the right thing_ **

 

Not daring to do anything about his borderline-obsession with Remus, Sirius instead accepted the affections from other students. Not all invitations, of course, but he often went on dates if the girl or boy was attractive enough and he was bored.

He had sex for the first time with Lucinda Talkalot - who, it turns out, was not interested in talking at all. James had first been taken aback by Sirius going off with a Slytherin but it had only taken a sly grin and a “Mate. Hate sex. It was brilliant.” from Sirius for him to congratulate his best friend and pat him on the back.

After the initial glow of the event had worn off and he was done gloating to James about it, Sirius found that he didn’t actually care too much. It had felt good - bloody brilliant, actually - but he didn’t want to go back for more, regardless of how fit Lucinda was. He wasn’t sure why, and wondered about that as the two walked towards the dormitory. Again, it was seeing Remus that made things click in his mind.

When James and Sirius walked into the dorm the werewolf was working on his homework, sprawled over his bed, oblivious to what Sirius had done a few hours ago.

Suddenly - completely unexpectedly - he felt regret. He wished he could take it back, that he hadn’t shagged Talkalot. He thought about how Remus and he had been getting friendlier since they got back to school and realized that he had hoped they could be something more again. Sleeping with a random witch wasn’t quite the way to win Moony’s favor. He could just see in his mind how he would react to the news. He would bite the inside of his cheek and look at Sirius with a fake smile afterwards, telling him that was great.

Sirius’ stomach dropped and he felt nauseous. It felt he couldn’t do anything right when it came to Remus.

 

**_Say my name and I will give you anything_ **

 

James and Sirius took some food from the kitchens to bring to Remus who had been in the library for the past four hours, with no sign of coming back. They hadn’t seen his footprints move on the map for ages, not even to pick up a new book.

When they arrived at the table, they found Remus sleeping on a parchment, drooling. James went to gently shake him awake but the werewolf raised his head before James’ hand landed on his shoulder. Even when he slept none of the Marauders had ever managed to sneak up on him, so they were not surprised.

“You’ve got ink all over your face, Moony,” James laughed quietly, knowing they weren’t supposed to be in the library so late as they didn’t have Prefect rights. He really didn’t need to be banned from the library again.

Remus tried to wipe the ink away but only made it worse. James mumbled a quick cleaning spell.

“I really wish you wouldn’t point your wand at my defenseless face, but thank you. Glad it worked out this time,” Remus said in response.

James grinned. “First off: You are never defenseless. Second: I’m brilliant and you know it. When have I ever cast a spell that ended up poorly?”

The two boys looked at each as seriously as they could for a few beats before snickering. James had of course had many incidents of spells gone awry, as had the other Marauders.

“You should go to sleep in your bed Moony. Come on,” Sirius whispered, moving to clean up Remus’ notes, the food they brought over forgotten.

“No, no, I have to finish this,” Remus replied, snatching a book away from Sirius’ grasp.

“How much bloody homework do you get, Remus?” Sirius asked, frowning. He hated that Remus had to work even harder than the rest because he lost days every month to his transformation and recovery.

Remus blushed. “This is extra credit. I got an E on the last exam and I need this to get my grade back up to an O.”

“Galloping gargoyles Moony are you actually working yourself to sleep over an E on _one_ exam?” Jame said and rolled his eyes.

“Getting an O in Ancient Runes could mean I get translation jobs,” Remus said, voice so quiet it was almost a whisper, and stared at the book in front of him, too embarrassed to look up at his friends.

Sirius and James looked at each other and frowned. The world really was cruel. Not only did Remus have to work harder than anybody else for the time he lost during the full moon, not only did he have to put up with that painful transformation each month, but he also was repaid by society by being practically unemployable.

 _You don’t have to work at all,_ Sirius wanted to tell him but of course could not, _Just let me, and I’ll give you anything you need. I have the money, neither of us would want for anything._

 

**_Kiss my face and I'll kiss yours anyway_ **

**_Walk my way and watch me lose my mind_ **

**_And do the right thing_ **

 

It was the looming winter break that gave Sirius both anxiety and courage yet another time. He looked at Remus who was helping Peter pack for the break and walked over without much thought. The only coherent sentence in his mind was ‘I don’t want to be away from him’.

“Padfoot what—” Remus started asking when he heard the boy walking by and turned to look at him. Before he could finish his sentence, Sirius was kissing him. Remus moved one shoulder back as if he was about to step back, but Sirius held him by the arm and hip firmly. If he had wanted, the stronger boy could have gotten out of the grip easily but instead he melted into the kiss. He’d missed this as much as Sirius had. The distinctly Sirius taste of cinnamon and lingering smoke was intoxicating.

Peter left quietly as the two other boys fell onto Sirius’ bed and kept kissing, no words spoken between them for almost ten minutes.

“What brought that on, then?” Remus asked, smiling shyly and looking at Sirius as if this was all part of a daydream.

“Merlin Moony I just can’t keep my hands off you anymore. Seeing you all the time was driving me barmy.”

Remus laughed; a real, throaty laugh. The kind Sirius hadn’t managed to get out of him since The Prank. Then he’d leaned in for another long session of kissing and groping.

It didn’t take them long to build up to sleeping in the same bed again but this time it felt different. It felt as exciting as last time but there was a certain calm and seriousness in their touches before and after that had not been there before. Often, they would kiss lazily for a long time before either reached for the other’s pants.

On one of those days, slowly kissing on Remus’ bed while the other two Marauders were off in Hogsmeade, Sirius started rolling up Remus’ shirt, not breaking their kiss. Remus’ hand snapped up immediately to stop Sirius’, as he had a long time ago. Sirius broke the kiss, then. He looked at Remus not with a childish pout or confusion as the other boy had been expecting, but instead with compassion and love.

“I want to see you, Moony,” he whispered even though they were alone in the dormitory, as if speaking too loudly would scare the werewolf off like cats did when Padfoot barked.

Remus blushed. “I— I just don’t—” 

“Just let me,” Sirius whispered and put his hand back on Remus’ shirt, but didn’t move it up. “And if you don’t like it, we won’t continue.”

“You don’t understand Padfoot I—”

“I know you have scars,” Sirius said gently, “I find them quite sexy, actually.” He grinned.

“They’re not… They’re not the same,” said Remus, his face now Gryffindor scarlet.

“I know,” Sirius repeated and started moving Remus’ shirt up. Remus didn’t protest this time, but made a small whimpering noise. Sirius would have chuckled if he weren’t worried it would make the werewolf more self-conscious.

As Sirius took off Remus’ shirt, he kissed and licked all over his skin, paying particular attention to his scars. Remus gasped and moaned while the other boy worked on him. When Remus’ shirt was finally completely off, Sirius had only one scar left to kiss. The really big one that ran from beneath the boy’s ribcage all the way up to half-way down his neck. He covered the scar with kisses and when he reached Remus’ neck, he raised his head and looked at Remus’ torso quickly before looking back into his eyes. “You are so beautiful,” he whispered and dove in for a passionate kiss.

“I’ll do it right, this time,” Sirius declared Remus was getting up for a shower.

Remus gave an unbelieving chuckle, but his tone wasn’t a mean one. “That might be the sex talking,” he said.

“No I will,” Sirius insisted.

Remus hesitated. “So this isn’t just…” he started then let his voice trail off.

 

**_Hold my hand and I will tell you everything_ **

**_Say you'll wait and I will get you anything_ **

**_Just don't go or watch me lose control_ **

 

Sirius got up and held Remus’ hands in his own. It felt awkward, standing next to his bed, holding hands with his naked friend as their half-hard cocks were still dripping onto the now-unclean floor, but Sirius didn’t care. This was more important.

“I love you, Remus,” Sirius whispered.

“I love you too,” Remus replied, his voice just as low as Sirius’. They both felt as though they were next to a deck of cards, propped up in a muggle house of cards. One heavy breath and it would fall apart. Or so it felt.

“Don’t let me mess this up, Moony.” Sirius’ eyes were unsure now, his hands shaking ever so slightly.

“I can’t control you, Padfoot, I think we both know that,” Remus replied with a sad smile, shoulders dropping.

“Just don’t leave me,” the shorter boy whispered and started hugging Remus, “Just don’t leave me and I promise I will do better. I won’t hurt you.”

Remus hugged Sirius back and nuzzled his nose against his neck. After a few soft kisses and a quick Scourgify for the floor, they went to the showers, smiling at each other like the two teenagers in love that they were.

 

Sirius knew he needed help. After almost six years with his friends and professors who were teaching him not to be a Black, he still wasn’t as thoughtful or Good as he wanted to be, not yet.

 

Remus knew that Sirius would hurt him again.

 

But for now, it didn't matter. They were sixteen and in love and had two full weeks of no classes and ripe opportunities for running their hands all over each and whispering sweet nothings into each other’s ears. They were happy.


End file.
